so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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