Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
