I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
