garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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