just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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