Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
