Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
