thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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