i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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