I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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