Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
