Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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