Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
