my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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