I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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