my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
