I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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