I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
