I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
