i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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