tell your sister to shave her snatch
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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