So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
