Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
