is your mom at the bar?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
