a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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