my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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