i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
