But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
