Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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