Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
