eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
