i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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