Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
