I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
