Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
