so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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