I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
