I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
