I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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