ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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