i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
