I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
