Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
