Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize