i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
third nipple confirmed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
