I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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