I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
