apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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