I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
