So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
