yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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