I am puke
She announced her abortion via fbk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
