you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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