what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My ass is underappreciated
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
