Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
