I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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