Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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