So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
