whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
