the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
