you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
