I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
